It was a good day for everything.
After a long drive and stopping in this place at just the right time, I was trying to catch the elements of nature and man suspended perfectly at the horizon.
Looking forward to another day like this.

I took my friend and her daughter on a road trip to Antique.  We spent the calm hours of Sunday in my hometown before heading back again to the city. We literally stared at the ocean and drifted away. It was by far one of the best weekends I had since residency; a much needed getaway from the hospital, patients and surgeries.

I would give anything just to do this again.

I miss home.

I promise to post at least once a week (fingers crossed). I promise not to make excuses for not delivering this promise unless matters of life and death get in the way.

I hope I could do this really, it’s not easy being a first year resident. Still, I love writing and this may just be the best distraction from patients and the hospital. Writing is the perfect choice to channel all the emotions, frustrations, dreams and desires of my restless mind.

I’ve been waiting for this.

Will post.

Soon

This is unthinkable. I never travel without a book for reading (not medical books, mind you). I forgot to pack a paper back for my Mindoro trip, I only brought 3 reader’s digest magazines straight from my Tita’s shelf in Fairview. I figured I’d go to town today because it’s a Sunday and I’m not on-duty to buy a newspaper instead. I have virtually nothing to do this morning; I have read every page of all three magazines that I brought, there is no story that I haven’t read and reread.

I headed to town in a tricycle; Rups is on-duty so I can’t drag her to come with me. I told the tricycle driver to drop me off at Mercury, they might have  a magazine stand in their grocery store.

I went inside Mercury Drugstore and searched the aisle —- no magazines, no newspapers.

I stood outside the store and scanned the street for a newspaper stand —- nothing within my field of vision.

I went to the biggest grocery mart in town and asked if they sold newspapers. The salesperson just shook his head.

I asked a tricycle driver if he knows a place in town where I can buy a newspaper.  He smiled and told me, “Ma’am, this is not Manila where you can find newspapers on all corners”. I grinned and said thank you anyway.

I asked the guard in another store if he knows where I can get a Sunday newspaper, he pointed to a direction to my west and told me to try at the store that sold Gasul tanks. I walked two blocks and there was no sign of  a newspaper stand. I walked further for another 3 blocks, past a Pharmacy with no positive signs of newspaper being sold. I went past another grocery store that didn’t have what I was looking for.

Finally, I decided to give up.

The newspaper search is over.

I rode the tricycle and as last attempt, asked the driver if he knows where I can buy a newspaper.  He stopped by a shop which looked like a car repair shop and asked if they have newspapers. The answer was still negative.

Mission failed. I asked the driver to drop me at the ER so I can  rant just once to my friend Rups how I combed every street in town to find today’s newspaper and ended up with nothing. She laughed and said that only tabloids are available here.  The nurses told me that I can have newspapers delivered to me at the hospital if I wanted to. Never mind, I’m only here for 10 days anyway.

Note to self: bring a bunch of books next time.

]]> http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/searching-for-a-sunday-newspaper-in-town/feed/ 0 The Intern Newspaper http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/08/03/travel-light/ http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/08/03/travel-light/#comments Tue, 03 Aug 2010 20:02:19 +0000 the_intern http://theintern99.wordpress.com/?p=592 Continue reading »

I arrived in Mindoro after 2 hours of riding a bus, another 3 hours of sailing between islands and 45 minutes of a windy bus ride.

My friend Mike told me to travel light— this was the lightest I could ever bring: a 9-kg backpack and a big shoulder bag filled to the brim. I was having back pain as I headed to the hospital dorm to my room.

The hospital was set in the middle of trees and grass land.Wow, I felt  like I was still in Antique. The air was cold and clouds were hanging in the sky like curtains, giving the island a kind of melancholic shadow. A huge Acacia tree stood outside our yellow dorm, a shower of leaves fell every second, covering the dorm’s balcony with a mosaic of yellow, green and brown.

I dropped my bags in my blue-colored room and headed to the Emergency Room where my friend Mike was on-duty. I’m officially on-duty tomorrow but I asked him if I could admit some of his patients so I could get into the momentum of the hospital a day early.  I wrote the admitting orders for a child with dehydration, then Rups came from the OPD and greeted me with a hug. She pulled me out of the emergency room and we headed to the wards where she introduced me to some of the staff.

The hospital has 4 charity wards —Pediatrics, Surgery/Orthopedics, Internal Medicine and OB-Gyne. There is also a wing for private rooms and Phil-health wards. It’s a one-level hospital and at first  seemed like a maze — i got confused because of its U-shaped symmetry. I checked out the doctor’s quarters for on-duty residents — pink walls, wifi equipped with air conditioning and 3 comfortable beds and a bathroom.

Rups and I went to town to buy stuff at the groceries — the town was just a quiet neighborhood with Mercury Drug standing tall among other structures. I was quite surprised, the capital of Antique was far more progressive than this capital —- with Gaisano and City Square  looming over the small businesses  plus mushrooming of fast food like Jollibee and Chowking. This town though was thriving with local stores and businesses — mini-marts, small canteens, food stalls, ukay-ukay and sari-sari stores. It feels like my hometown —quiet with a little local buzz as the day starts, in between and as the sun sets.

Tomorrow, I’m officially starting my 10-day duty. Breathe. I can do this.

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Traveling without a laptop is unnerving but not as crippling as i thought it would be. My laptop screen has gone dim 2 months ago and i have been attaching it to a desktop monitor since. There is nothing wrong with the hard drive, nothing skewed with the graphics.It’s just dim.

I brought a notebook instead.Yes, I’m back to the conventional pen and paper. This was probably inspired by John’s post about making drafts. It may be more of a diary than a notebook for my blog drafts.

I started writing at the Iloilo airport yesterday while waiting for my flight to Manila. I was booked for the 2:05 pm flight but I arrived 3 hours early because yesterday’s news of PAL flights getting canceled made me anxious about my own flight status. My trip was not canceled at all but it was delayed for an hour. Travel  was speedy and landing was smooth even if it was cloudy in Manila. Someone promised me that he will fetch me at the airport. I was hesitant yet I believed him. When we believe, it allows the possibility of disappointment ,that’s how my favorite author said it. He arrived yet he was an hour late. I’m not even a wee bit surprised. I’m always the one waiting.  It’s a skill. We rode one of those yellow cabs, then we got stuck in traffic near Makati while the rain showered my arrival. The ride from the airport to QC took 3 hours.  This is simply why I never miss Manila —- traffic is toxic.

I’m leaving for Mindoro tomorrow. Firsts always make me anxious —- first time, first day, first duty. I can’t wait to go fast forward, to get rid of the uncertainty and the what-ifs. Everything is hazy, even tomorrow’s trip makes me worry. I should be excited with travel and the bus ride yet there is that churning feeling in my stomach that doesn’t stop. I can’t wait to get there. I want to get on with the medical duties so my mind can focus on something real rather than thoughts that make me neurotic.

My neurotic ramblings will be kept in my notebook. 

I just can’t sleep.

I’m heading to Manila on monday then I’m off on a solitary bus ride to Batangas on Wednesday.

I love long bus rides, they wash my mind clean. I’m heading to Mindoro from Batangas. My friends from med school invited me to join their team for a 10-day duty at the provincial hospital in Occidental Mindoro. I hesitated at first but they managed to convince me that it was a good way for me to kill time while waiting for the result of my Doctor to the Barrios application and for that oh so elusive ophthalmology residency in Iloilo.

Kill time.

I just want to be busy again, to feel that I have a purpose in this vast universe.

I actually miss being a doctor. I’ve been more of a freelance writer than a doctor these past months but I love my writing job and the company that I’m working for.

I can feel that itch again, the itch to think, diagnose and to treat people. I miss scribbling on charts and thinking of work-ups and management for my patients. I miss the challenge of medicine.  Hah. I can’t believe I’m saying this and I’m actually glad that I feel this way.

Plus, I’ve never been to Mindoro, it’s another first for me

]]> http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/07/29/just-another-island/feed/ 3 The Intern http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/cause-i-am-broken/ http://theintern99.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/cause-i-am-broken/#comments Tue, 06 Jul 2010 13:37:49 +0000 the_intern http://theintern99.wordpress.com/?p=560 Continue reading »

This fragment of a Paramore song will speak for me today:

My mouth is dry
with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole

Bow.

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June was a busy month but I was at home most of the time—- spent 1 week in Boracay  for MD duties and that was my last stint at the island for sure. Why I’m not coming back is reserved for another post.

I’m done with being a couch potato; no more hours of watching reruns of Flash Forward, CSI or the Family Guy. Working for a Philippine-based freelance writing company has turned my fruitless hours into nights of typing relentlessly on my laptop to beat 24 hour deadlines and squeezing my brain to write articles for web publishing.  This has saved my sanity from crossing the line because I no longer have the luxury of delving into thoughts about what-nots and why why why medicine.

This writing job is a good thing.

First, It keeps my brain from going into atrophy of disuse because I’m constantly learning new things with my assignments. Now i know what public domain means, learned the basics of internet marketing and I realized that the most popular products online are the penis enlargement stuff. Hahaha.

Second, what better way to wait for residency openings and application results than this?I’m earning and learning

Still, I’m anxious about residency. I went to WVMC last week to revisit the hospital where I was once an intern and where I’m planning to apply for residency in Ophthalmology.  Turns out, there is no opening for Ophthalmology applicants until January next year. Still,  I was happy to see again my favorite residents,  med school classmates, friends and my favorite manong guards plus the ER nurses.

I already passed my application for Doctor to the Barrios (DTTB) program but I heard they won’t be hiring till October. I also have an application form here pinned to my cork board —- it’s part of my contigency plan to apply at the Department of Ophthalmology of the  Jose Reyes Medical Center in Manila if all else fails in Iloilo.  I haven’t filled it up though, which signals a lot of hesitation. It’s not that JR is not a good choice, it’s going back to Manila that makes me think twice. I used to love Manila but things have changed. After my Lola’s death, I have this fear of going anywhere too far from family.

So, it’s still a long wait. I’m starting to feel despair about my future in medicine. I’m actually excited about training in Ophthalmology but when will the doors open for me? Plus there are other things to consider.

I’ll wait. For now, writing is a wonderful distraction.